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Welcome to Chosen Babies
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Written by Wraith
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Friday, 23 May 2008 00:00 |
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Welcome to the Chosen Babies site. We are adoptees from every walk of life, on every step of the journey. All adoptees are invited to join us to talk, listen, rant, support, rave, comfort, scream, cry, whatever you need.
This is a site hopefully promoting solutions to our "issues" of adoption, search, reunion, etc. Adoptees are the only members of the triad that did not have any choice or control in the decision making process of their adoption whatsoever. We get empowered by talking with other adoptees about our experiences, in searching, in being courageous just to talk about the secrets. If you are looking to join the Google support/discussion group, please click the link below to sign up. If you wish to submit an article for review for and possible posting to this site, you can create an account by clicking the Create an Account link on the left and then look for the "Submit and Article" link on the lower left hand side under the User menu. Please understand that creating an account to submit articles does NOT add you to the Google support/discussion group.
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Last Updated ( Thursday, 23 October 2008 02:49 )
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How can you cry when you didn’t know her? |
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Written by Robert Hafetz
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Saturday, 25 October 2008 02:59 |
One of the most difficult outcomes of searching for our bonded first mother is the discovery of a grave at the end of the search. Guided by the desire to bring our memories into balance, resolve the past, and end the pain, our emotions intensify as the search moves forward. Anticipating closure, and a chance to escape from our past, we find the silence and isolation of death. The adoptee may feel that providence has cheated us once again, as fate moves beyond our control. We have completed the journey, overcome the impossible, and embraced our inner pain expecting relief, when more of what we seek to escape from is found waiting for us. It is a second death for us, with the first being the memory of her loss. Now confronted with death at the end of our search, both losses combine and the grief can be unimaginably difficult to bear. How can this be? Unresolved, disenfranchised, grief does not weaken as the years pass by. Time has no meaning for powerful emotions and the loss we experienced as infants thrives decades later as if it has just happened. The bond that joins a mother and her child extends through the decades, across any distance, and endures even beyond death. So then, how can we cry when we didn’t know her? The truth is that we did know her, and we remember.
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Last Updated ( Saturday, 25 October 2008 03:16 )
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Recommendations for Natural/Birth/First/Blood Parents |
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Written by Wraith
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Friday, 23 May 2008 19:29 |
- Be patient and don't back away.
- Try to indulge our curiosity. Sometimes we'll question things that non-adoptees take for granted. But be patient with us. We need to understand and internalize them in the same way that a child explores and eventually comes to understand the world around him.
- Own up to your truth as well as your child's truth
- Be compassionate to us. We may have had a great life or a bad one. You may have relinquished us out of necessity or coercion but this is a big thing for us.
- Understand we aren't all gold diggers or murderers or stalkers. We want to find a part of ourselves we have never known, to see a face that looks like ours.
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Last Updated ( Saturday, 09 August 2008 05:35 )
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Written by Trish Lay
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Wednesday, 28 May 2008 15:47 |
When I was three years old, my adoptive mother was holding me as we stood in line at the grocery store. A gentleman in front of us turned and said what a pretty little girl I was…I then replied with, “no I’m not…I’m adopted.”
Being adopted weighed on my shoulders for decades. Rejection and Abandonment coursed through my veins. My adopted father rejected me…and the words “if you don’t behave yourself, we’ll take you back and get another baby...” haunted my core being.
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Last Updated ( Wednesday, 28 May 2008 20:35 )
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Recommendations for Adoptive Parents |
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Written by Wraith
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Friday, 23 May 2008 18:22 |
This list was compiled from the recommendations and comments of Adoptees. Please read it
- Educate yourself, read every book you can find on adoptees and on being an adoptive parent. (If you need any recommendations, ask me)
- Evaluate your motives. Are you in this because of your love for the child? Are you committed to providing a loving, nurturing home for this child who will be in your life for a very long time? Are you willing to love this child unconditionally AS your own. Or are you in this for image? Is this about filling a need to be a parent, or to be needed or a rescuer, or to fit into society or a social class?
- Mourn what you may not have. (As in blood children of your own.)
- Never say, “We love you as our own.” The adoptee will be your child and that’s a mixed message if there ever was one.
- Don’t overdo the “you are so special/lucky” thing. They aren’t going to feel that, so actions will speak louder than words.
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Last Updated ( Monday, 03 November 2008 06:06 )
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